So I'm a prude, right? I don't really talk about sex. I cover myself up pretty well. I get candid on a case by case basis. If you need info on the subject, I will lightly (but not lightly) tell you my opinions on the subject matter and then move on. However, I am thoroughly disappointed in the church culture's lack of information concerning sex, and feeling desirable after a baby. The photo I posted above was me trying to get out of a funk with my sexiness while momming. This is hard. I constantly have to pray over myself and speak life in to me because you and your body are completely different after a baby. I have been a thick girl for a while now, but I have always done my best to be as confident as I could pre-baby. I was comfortable with my curves and I loved the way my breasts sat. Just being honest. I love God, I know I'm pretty (debate your mother not me), I'm smart, kind, funny, and I feel I have a great personality when I let you in. SO! (Back to humbling myself) these are the things I would pull from when I wanted to feel sexy. These were things that I was sure of... until I pushed a human out. Now my faith never wavered, my personality is intact, and my face is my face, but everything else is doing what it wants. There are stretch marks in.. places, my top half (finding it weird saying breasts for some reason lol) is doing what it does when you breast feed, but my mind and whatever is left is challenging me. I would tell my husband how different I feel but he's my husband. He supports me emotionally and spiritually. He loves me, all of me, marks and all. However, I realized that my sexiness was never just for him. It was for me too. I would do things at home to better myself and remind myself for ME that I am everything that God created me to be, not just for those that I minister to or serve or work with, but for me also. However, I don't always have the time to sow those seeds in to myself, so I struggle. I'm in a better place now that my son is older, but I fall back in to that place sometimes and I have to make the time to get out. Get in my word, turn on some R&B, read a book, do my hair, and just get in to it. I also always make sure that my beautification starts inward. The Word is an identifier, so I am sure to locate myself first, then I go outward. My biggest thing is to make sure I am honest about where I am and the progress I've made. No I am not perfect, yes I am different, and I also look different, but I am still me, God still loves me, hubby can't get enough of me, and my son adores me. Weird enough, that's sexy too...right?
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