Life is Different
As I embrace this new role of mom, I get the chance to really look at what I took for granted being single (without a child). Mind you I love being a mom. My son is so smart and is literally the cutest kid I have ever seen in my life. But to be honest I struggle with the truth; that although my life has so much more meaning as a mother, and I have seen beauty like no other in this new role, my life as a free spirit is limited. Gone are the days of just getting up and going wherever God inspires me. I have never had to prepare to get out of the door a day in my life, until now. What I mean is, I have to use a mental checklist for bottles and diapers and wipes and extra clothing and toys, just to make sure he doesn’t have a breakdown when he’s hungry or when he pees. Then some how remember my keys in the midst of all of it. Not only am I adjusting to my new role, my friends have to as well. We can’t just hangout all night or just spend the night wherever we are, my son has a bed time, and in the time of ‘Rona’, you can’t just call a sitter or your mom at the last minute. Momming is, legit, a full time job. I find my self being challenged everyday. I have to stick to a schedule... WHAT IS THAT?!? On top of that I have to find odd hours to express myself whether it be vocally or with writing, or with shooting photos... Inspiration comes at a whim and I have to wait to answer it lol. What a total whirlwind. But for the good, I get to see genuine purity grow and develop in my son. I watch him think (yes he sits and thinks) and try to figure me and his father out. He just stares at my husbands mouth as he speaks and when words sound funny to him, he laughs. His laugh is the sweetest thing I could ever hear. It instantly brightens the moment. He loves worship music just as much as I do. He can talk for hours or he would just sit and watch me. He mimics my sounds, he smiles at me when he wakes, and he helps me to understand that my purpose is no longer one dimensional. It’s vast with various roles of beauty and meaning. I’m grateful to God for choosing me as his mother. I also appreciate God for helping me balance my sense of self while being a wife and a mom. I’m truly starting to find peace in the chaos because for a moment I did question my purpose. I did wonder if being a wife and mom was all there was to me, but then I look at his little face and see that I have to keep going. Keep thriving and pushing towards my dreams. He needs to see it to proceed. So welcome to my world everyone. I can’t wait to share my thoughts and experiences with you.
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