I Quit Everyday... (Part 2)
The truth...
Let me explain: I never want to come off as someone who has it all together. I really don’t. I just spent a lot of years putting myself down, so I’m very careful with how I talk about myself. And I was just asking a question as to how I can be and become all these things. I have always been told that I should be this Proverbs 31 woman.
Who is she you ask?
Well! She is a woman who:
-Is a woman of God
-Cooks
-Cleans
-Patience
-Tends to her children
-Tends to her Husband
-Keeps her family looking cleanT
-Gives to the poor
-She knows what to say and when to say it
-Tends to her business in the marketplaces
-Has a beloved reputation
-Serves the Lord
-Kind
-Favored with her Husband’s business associates
-Farts roses
-Never has morning breath
-And keeps her appearance modest and beautiful
Ok. I may have exaggerated her a little but, she sounds soooo perfect right?
But how am I supposed to be her when I was always told but not taught? And I can’t say the same for all of you. Also, my mother is AMAZING. However, she was a single mother with 4 kids, my brothers required sooo much attention, and by the time she could focus on just me, I was too angry to appreciate her.
It’s a challenge. Yes I have help.... but. How to be her.....? (Proverbs 31)
I can honestly say I can check off 6, maybe 7 of those items up there, because I can be mean, I’m an introvert who has struggled with letting people in (I use to trust people to soon, so now I’m just weary all together), I’m still healing, I honestly don’t know if I even have a reputation (not that I’m concerned), I clean (I barely have to cook), I’m getting better at business, I’m a mom so I look how I look until there’s a meeting or an event or we go out. Let’s not even get started on the struggles of motherhood!
Here’s the truth about it. I really do quit everyday, because I try so hard everyday. I feel guilty all the time for wanting a break. I feel inadequate because, even though I didn’t get a lot of info growing up about finances, I wish I was further along for my son. He deserves to not have to survive. That’s what we did. We survived.... now that I don’t have to do that anymore, I want to make sure that surviving is taught as a skill and not as a lifestyle. Then there are the times when the crying gets to me, or when I constantly have to watch him because he could fall, or not being able to just pick up and go when I need to. It sometimes takes me 3 hours to get out the door if we have somewhere to be.... it’s a lot. I’m honestly grateful that my husband and I we’re friends before we dated because it literally takes prayer and a sense of humor to get through it sometimes. I’m not complaining, I love being a mom, it just takes a lot. Especially with all of the other things I have to take care of. That’s why I said Christ is my answer. God is the only thing keeping this ship running smoothly. I honestly don’t know where we would be without God. I sometimes drop the ball as wife, I make mistakes and my husband love me through them.
At the end of the day. I am me. A woman who loves God, minds her business, and does her best to serve her family (with a little me time in between). I don’t know if I will ever measure up to her (Proverbs 31 woman), but I do fall back on to the last 2 verses in the chapter:
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.”
I am a boss, I am imperfect, I am me. I will do my best, and no one can take that from me. The fruit will speak for itself. Period.
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